Marriage Blog
When Standing Isn't Safe: Abuse, Boundaries and What God Says
Part of our guide: Christian Marriage Advice for Wives
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential support 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988.
At Fight to Win Marriages, we believe marriages are worth fighting for. We also believe this, just as strongly: standing for your marriage never means staying in danger. God does not ask you to sacrifice your safety or your children's safety to keep a covenant someone else is breaking through abuse.
What abuse can look like
Abuse is a pattern of power and control. It isn't always physical.
- Physical: hitting, pushing, choking, restraining, throwing things at you.
- Emotional: constant insults, humiliation, threats, making you feel crazy.
- Controlling: tracking you, cutting you off from friends and family, controlling all the money.
- Sexual: forcing or pressuring you into sexual acts.
- Spiritual: using Scripture to demand obedience or justify mistreatment.
- Threats: threatening to hurt you, the children, pets or himself if you leave.
What Scripture says
Husbands are called to love their wives "as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). Submission never means submitting to abuse. Scripture repeatedly shows God's people fleeing danger: David fled from Saul, and Paul escaped over a wall in a basket. God hates violence (Psalm 11:5) and is a refuge for the oppressed (Psalm 9:9).
Safety comes first
- Reach out confidentially. The hotline above can help you make a safety plan.
- Tell someone you trust. A friend, family member or pastor who will take you seriously.
- Keep important items ready. IDs, documents, medicine, some cash and a phone charger.
- Be careful with devices. If he monitors your phone or computer, use a safer device to look for help.
- Get professional support. Coaching is not enough on its own here. Licensed counselors and advocates trained in abuse can help.
Can a marriage be restored after abuse?
Sometimes, but only after real, lasting change in the abusive spouse, with professional intervention and accountability, and only when you are safe. Restoration is never a reason to stay in harm's way while you wait.
You are loved
If you've been told your suffering is your cross to bear, hear this: God sees you and He wants you safe. Find more encouragement on our Christian marriage advice for wives page.